Doing it Afraid…

It never fails that the start of every year brings resolutions that more often than not, never come to life. We all have our repeat offenders; I’m going to join the gym and finally lose this weight; I’m going to start eating clean; I’m going to start journaling and having quiet time every day; I’m going to pursue the dream in my heart THIS YEAR!!! Most of us have stood wether alone or surrounded by people, watching the seconds count down to midnight every December 31st, thinking…. Here I go!

Unfortunately, our best of intentions and our best self motivating pep talks so often fail in getting us to take a step. We Google meal plans and food prep ideas, we even PAY for gym memberships, we buy the journals, we write out the business plan, but somehow don’t seem to fully engage. Some of us don’t even venture that far toward our dream because we tremble at the thought of committing by writing it down or telling someone about our goals.

Have you ever seen a small child discover their shadow for the first time and get so scared that they run. The only problem is that the shadow doesn’t go away… It keeps returning!!! This has been my story! I’ve so often ran away from the shadow that reveals my own greatness, the dream that validates my own existence. I’ve left books and songs unfinished because they required too much vulnerability. When the dream in my heart demanded faith, I chose to allow fear to paralyze and immobilize me. Afraid of this shadow, this unknown and undiscovered part of myself, I resorted to running away as though I could turn off the ideas, the songs, the dreams, the version of me that was alive in my head and in my heart… The better me!

In hopes of turning on the light so the shadow could fade away, I began to give language to my fears. I’ve been afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of exposing my heart and maybe people see me… And don’t like me! What if I fail? Better yet, WHAT IF I SUCCEED? What if the demand is greater than my capacity to give? What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if I wait too long and never fulfill my purpose? Too many fears to name, but one thing is for sure, I’m busting out of this self imposed prison. I’M DOING IT AFRAID!!!! I’m going to blog, write my books, and finish my songs. I’m going to speak what’s in my heart regardless of who disapproves. I’m going to live out loud!!!! The reality is, the shadow never goes away, so I’m choosing to embrace it.

I no longer want this better version of me to only exist on paper, or only in my heart. I want the world to meet her. I WANT TO MEET HER. So here I go… For real!